I intend to use this blog to document the roller coaster of my addictions. I’m interested to see how my life will unfold now that its apparent meth has a hold on me to some degree. I can’t honestly say to what degree at this moment.
Here’s are some truths I do know, at this time in my life: On the 23rd of February, earlier this month, I was blessed with my birth mothers entrance back into my life. The more we talked, the more we found in common. The more we found in common, the more the intensity grew. Love was abundantly flowing between the two of us and I felt a rebirth with the new found completion. Why then have I binged the ENTIRE time that we have been re-connecting? Are their more emotions I’m ignoring? Are the ones I believe I am feeling being jeopardized by this methamphetamine facade?
I had known of her meth use when I was little and she lost me to it. And I learned that she is currently doing it. Just as she learned of how I am doing it as well. The last thing I wanted was for us to fuel any denial for the other, but I think that may have happened. Not by condoning the use whatsoever- but by having such an incredible ability to understand one another. Another possibility for my binging could honestly just be a result of bad timing.
The inability to stay high is OBVIOUS to me right now, but I continue on trying. This binge has been extra strenuous on me. When will I use my common sense and soothe my soul?